If you are not a batter (or, by extension, part of the batting team), the best sound that you will hear is of the leather of the ball clacking with the timber of the willows. But as a batter in this day and age, this sound is not the only ominous sound that you would fancy avoiding. You need to be careful that the ball does not hit your pads or arms or even the slightest edge of your bat. The safest detour you can opt for is to try and get the ball on your bat so that you can thump it for some runs. But even that’s not it. If you don’t hit the ball hard enough or don’t time it to perfection, you may end up pocketing it to the fielder. A more risk-free way would be to avoid going aerial and get the ball far enough so that you can run for a couple of runs (or maybe three if you are lucky). That sounds perfect, but make sure you are within the crease before the ball does, or the opposition will not mercy shatter your stumps.
All of this makes life as a batter so tricky. However, this is just the beginning of it. The moment a batter enters the ground (actually even before that, ask Angelo Mathews), the ways of dismissals start creeping up on him from every side. But a guide that is so simple a fool can understand can help you know what to avoid when trying to cash runs off your bat. And what would be a better way to do that than explaining how batters get dismissed in cricket and hoping that the readers try to avoid them? (there are loads of ways better than this, but we stay true to the very essence of a fool’s guide).
Timed Out:
Starting from the start. This way of getting dismissed is not very common. In fact, before this decade started, no batter was ever timed out (what a time to be alive). As per the rules, an incoming batter must get into the position to face the ball or watch his team-mate face the ball within three minutes of the previous dismissal. Not only does the batter need to be inside the boundary line within three minutes, but he should also be fully armed in his gears (and ensure the strap of his helmet is intact) and ready to let the game resume.
Hit Wicket:
When (if) you have made it to the ground within time, make sure you don’t disturb the timbers yourself (and pray the universe does not use its laws to hit the stumps with random objects), or that will get you sent back to the hut with a ‘Hit wicket’ written next to your name. What is worse is that the bowler, rather than yourself, will be credited for taking the wicket.
Leg Before Wicket:
As a batter, you should only use your bat to hit or stop the ball, not your pad. Or that can get you dismissed. Getting out LBW is one of the most common types of dismissals where the ball, which has been pitched on or in line with the offside, hits the part of the body (barring the hands in contact with the bat) of the batter in front of the stumps. In the cricket sense, this implies that the ball was supposed to hit the wickets, had the batter been a ghost not in its way. You would want to avoid getting blamed for that. So, make sure to get your bat only to do the batting.
Bowled:
Batters hate it. Bowlers live for it. It makes a sound that can put the best musicians on the planet to shame. But you, friend, need to stay miles away from it. It’s the final boss. The invincible. It’s simple. It’s lethal. Its bowled. A ball comes, swiftly moves past you, and hits the wickets with a loud voice. Most batters on this pale blue dot have been its victims. You only have your bat to stop it from doing you in, even when the going gets very tough. No guide or help book can help you triumph over it. Just hope you have a respectable figure next to your name when this inevitable finally reaches you.
Caught:
Unless the bowler bowls an absolute Jaffa that is absolutely unfathomable or a fielder makes a grab that confirms the existence of alien life, this form of dismissal is utterly avoidable. We all have our bad days. Not every ball you hit will go where you want it to. But the least you can do is to make sure the ball goes anywhere but the hands of the fielders.
Run out:
Once you have hit the ball and you are not sure if it will make contact with the advertising cushions, run between the wickets to get whatever runs you can. Just be very sure that you or any of your equipment (or extended hand in the case of Mohammad Rizwan) is inside the crease before any player from the other team can disturb the furniture. Because in this scenario, not even a no-ball could save you.
Obstructing the field:
Oh, and also remember that you can’t obstruct or distract the fielders while running between the wickets or when they are taking a catch, as that would result in your dismissal. Additionally, there is no need to go overboard with the gentleman’s spirit and attempt to return the ball to the fielding team. In that case, all that would stand between you and your dismissal would be an appeal from the other team.
Stumped:
Thats a wicketkeeper’s very own version of run out. If the ball hits your bat (or hands) and the keeper removes the bails while you are outside the crease, you have got yourself stumped. Even if you got out of the crease thinking the end of over has been called, the keeper can do the unthinkable to you (and, in the process, revive the spirit-of-cricket debate if you are an English player).
Hit the ball Twice:
No matter how good a player you are, you get to hit the ball only once per ball (before the fielder/bowler touches it). You can’t hit it again with your bat unless you want to get back to the pavilion quickly.
